I could be him.I am sitting in a cold empty living room, listening to someone sings their songs of love and the break. I am not sure how to identify where i am in life. Up till this point, i had the crutch lent me by my religion.
standards. its easy, here are the standards - now dont fuck up more than anyone else, and it's all gravy (the truly sincere and honest make their aim the actual standard - relationship with God). I guess i found i wasn't truly sincere within that system...it made me compete against other's morality, spirituality, character...it encouraged me to live privately, to conceal everything i truly am, to hold back the tide and not let it meet my feet.
Living those years in silence makes me wonder if my heart and mind will ever heal. I have chinks in the armor of my intellect, reaching deeper than expected or realized. My heart would lay in the fetal position if it hadn't been dismembered - now, heart strings drag through the dirt - collecting the world's rubbish by movement alone. The wind even chases when i cease to move. Down-trodden is a weak word used by weak religions...
...I am well past down-trodden. I am a zombie. I am the living undead.
My salvation is twofold.
i am human. i am alive. pain is proof. desire to love is hidden but audible. i am human.
This second salvation is mine to hold and seek...and you will find out in time how i was saved from religion back into humanity.
you're wondering why i put the picture up? or not...whatever. It's my first fly by bum photo in LA. He mad me think that it's better to be honest and genuine, than to be trixy and diseased.
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