no one really reads this, that is why i write here.

is this really my life? this room in this city - her heart sleeps with another lover now... it doesnt seem fair that she should have mine too.

and to think, i actually thought we would be together again soon. in my mind, we havent been apart completely... (and maybe thats what she's waiting for?) no, she's not, give up hope - she was as nice and as clear as she could be.

remember her, but put this false future aside.

remember her greens - how they haunt, hunt, capture, release - all at once
remember her smell - how it proclaimed the beauty of your walk, the grace in every inch.
remember her touch - like an old lover who knows the power in her fingers
remember her kiss -

remember it all - feel it all - return to it every once in a while... but the vision of her dancing in my future is fading.

it conjures up a nausea of the heart... a special kind... that makes me love the feeling and makes me want to come apart... makes me want to cry and hold my heart, and stomp and tear it at the same time.

she fucked me up with the most beautiful grace...

she actually knew you and loved you... but she doesn't like that person...