lets be honest...about love

love.  

i dont get it.  seriously.  

first, lets take a look at some of the meanings this (worst of all 4 letter words) word:

I'm gonna use my incredibly under-utilized college education...I'm gonna teach dat ass some greek, son!

1. Eros - passionate love...think desire and longing, not necessarily romantic, but yeah its the horny love (according to wikipedia - i know what you're thinking, "great reference tool, you tool!".  well, you're right.)  Essentially, it is loving someone more than "just a friend".  Plato suggested that the word can actually mean the appreciation of beauty in another person, or beauty itself. Hence, 'platonic' relationships.

 

2. Philia - friendship.  a dispassionate yet virtuous animal. (boring)

3. Agape - anyone who has been to sunday school may be familiar with this term.  this one is a bit trickier to define - for me at least.  most of my recollection regarding this word is flooded with new testament theological imagery.  lets just say its more affection than attraction...and all encompassing word that can be directed towards people or objects.

4. Storge - affection, mostly pertaining to family members.

i know there are more definitions than this...but i got lazy.  and i think this is sufficient information for proving my point.  

i guess i am just feeling like love, or parts of it rather, are an illusion.

more directly, what i mean is the whole "falling in love/being in love/romantic love" stuff.  and to be honest, i didnt know what Plato believed until i researched this article...and as it turns out, his philosophy puts some clearer lines on my blurry thoughts.  

allow me to couple (maybe it is just a rephrasing) Plato's ideas with a modern Philosopher, Jacques Derrida.  Jacques (yeah, were on a first-name basis) posed one of the most interesting questions i have ever heard.  he asked whether we can identify the difference between loving a person or loving a person because they ______ (fill in the blank).  

do i love her?  or do i love the way she makes me feel?

do i love him? or do i love the security he gives? 

i think if you go just beneath the surface, you will find the same beautiful mess we can make with love that i did.

finally, my point (i rather like doing that - clicking away at the keys like a disinterested primate...just warming up the ole brain (i said brain for a lack of creativity in choosing a suitable cliche - "just warming up the ole grey matter" or "just warming up the ole magician's dumplings" or maybe even "just warming up the ole kit'n'kaboodle") till i get my nuerons working fast enough...

my point... i rarely doubt people find real Eros love. the others, sure you find them pretty regularly.  

why?  because they arent as risky.  

how hard is it to listen to a friend over a couple drinks, or make a gift out of random shit (but the person you made it for knows you and knows that this is the best way for you to say i love you...and im lazy), or even to set aside a day to help them move.

the hard part is when you have to be vulnerable and open.  when you have to trust and rely on someone else.  when you have to talk through your emotions with someone else let alone understand them yourself.  

i think that people rarely fall in love with each other...dont get me wrong, its there...but i think people fall in love with the idea of another person.  i fall in love with the beauty in you, and i start looking past you to your beauty.  eventually, we find out the person isnt perfect (which in my opinion makes them more beautiful) and at that point we can decide to use the other kind of loves to make the relationship move on, or we can fake a couple more months and hope it all works out.  

maybe this realization can help me convince myself that its all an illusion...but nothing feels quite like that pain...it makes me feel reborn...the constant ache in your chest, the ridiculous things you think you are going to do, the first time it all comes rushing back (when you see that person, or hear you song, or remember something special) after you thought you were over it...all of it.  

if it is an illusion, let me fade from reality.  

with all of love's scars and wounds to come, i want to love...

regardless